One day, a magical leopard decided to go to a psychic to find out what his future held for him. The leopard's power was being able to speak in whatever languages the people around him were speaking. So, the leopard traveled far and wide to find a psychic who would not be afraid of him and would tell him about his future. He was a fierce-looking leopard with bright colored spots, large muscular body, huge paws, and long, sharp fangs. Many people were afraid of him, so finding a psychic proved to be a difficult task for him. This magical leopard dreamed of one day marrying a princess who was as beautiful in personality as she was beautiful in appearance. After traveling quite a long distance, he finally found a fortune teller who would tell him about his future.
The fortune teller was slightly afraid as first, but then realized this was a great opportunity to make some money off of the magical leopard. As the leopard approached the fortune teller, he said, "Be not afraid...I will not hurt you IF you tell me about my future." The psychic said, "I'm not afraid and I will be glad to tell you your future if you provide food for my family for one year." The leopard agreed for he was desperate to know about his future.
The fortune teller said, "Very soon, you will come across a river that is very wide and deep. You will go to take a drink and will be swept away by the current." Looking horrified, the leopard tried to sit still while listening to the rest of the story. The psychic continued on by saying, "At the point when you think you are about to die, you will be rescued by a sweet, loving princess whom you shall marry." The relief on the leopard's face was quite obvious by now even though he was still afraid of the thought of nearing death.
The fortune teller said, "Very soon, you will come across a river that is very wide and deep. You will go to take a drink and will be swept away by the current." Looking horrified, the leopard tried to sit still while listening to the rest of the story. The psychic continued on by saying, "At the point when you think you are about to die, you will be rescued by a sweet, loving princess whom you shall marry." The relief on the leopard's face was quite obvious by now even though he was still afraid of the thought of nearing death.
So, the leopard thanked the psychic and promised that once he found the princess and married her, he would bring the psychic food every day for the next year. The leopard began his journey, but it took him almost two weeks before he came across a flowing river. He wondered if this would be the river the fortune teller told him about in his vision. The leopard bent down to get a drink and lost his footing on the river's bank. He fell into the river and thrashed about while trying to gasp for air. He knew he must be nearing his end. Right when the leopard was about to draw his last breath, a beautiful princess scooped him up out of the river with the greatest of ease. She caressed his face and fell instantly in love with the leopard. The princess vowed to stay with the leopard until he regained consciousness.
Once the leopard regained consciousness, he gazed into the eyes of the most beautiful princess he had ever seen and whispered, "Thank you for saving me. How can I ever repay you?" The princess said, "Marry me and I will love you until the day I die." The leopard hurriedly agreed and they were wed the next day. From that day forward until one year had passed, the leopard provided the fortune teller's family with food just as he had promised. The psychic, leopard, and the princess smiled because each of them had gotten their wishes fulfilled.
Author's Note: The story,The Raibar and the Leopard, is part of the Santal Folklore unit. Story source: Folklore of the Santal Parganas by Cecil Henry Bompas (1909). This story is about a raibar, which is also known as a matchmaker, who meets a leopard while traveling to arrange some marriages between several families. He doesn't want to be eaten, so he basically promises to find the leopard a mate. The raibar ends up tricking the leopard into getting into a sack and he beats up the leopard in the sack and throws him in the river. The raibar goes about his business of arranging marriages and forgets all about the leopard. The leopard gets rescued by a leopardess and they end up together. In the end of the story, the raibar runs into the leopard again and the leopard spares his life because he had found his mate.
My story is quite different from the original storyline. I decided to keep the leopard as one of my main characters, but chose to change the rest of the story to be more modernized. However, I did use the part of the story where the leopard is rescued by a leopardess and the fact that they end up together. The picture I chose is of a beautiful, regal-looking leopard. He just looks so majestic that I thought it would be perfect for my storyline. It also looks like to me that he is sitting near the water's edge. The second picture is of a fortune teller. It is a picture of a beautiful woman who looks like someone the rabiar might meet during his travels. I also decided to use the words psychic and fortune teller interchangeably throughout the story, so I wasn't using the same word repeatedly.
Krista: While reading your retelling, I didn't get the sense that the storyline had been changed very drastically to become more modernized; there wasn't any critical feature that I could find to provide insight on the time period during which the story occurred.
ReplyDeleteOne of the first things I noticed was that the entire story was written as one block paragraph. From my perspective as the reader, it was really difficult to stay focused and remember where I was in the wall of text. I think that separating the story into paragraphs and providing each quotation with its own appropriately-placed paragraph would do the trick.
Additionally, I noticed that the fonts changed between the body of the text and the author's note. This was a minor detail, but might be worth considering.
A couple of notes and suggestions about the physical appearance of your story:
ReplyDelete1. It seems like one big block of text, maybe double space between paragraphs to separate out the text and break it up. That way, it's easier to read and doesn't end up feeling tedious.
2. It threw me off a little that your text switched fonts from your story to your author's note. Did you copy/paste one and type the other on Blogger? It's not a big deal, it just side-tracked me a little.
Apart from those, I thought the story was really neat. I like your writing style and thought you did some wonderfully descriptive writing here. Plus, it was just a neat story. I wish I had the same power as the jaguar! It would be so handy and amazing to be able to speak to anyone regardless of their language! I also liked the little leopard love story. How cute!
Krista,
ReplyDeleteI didn't read the original so I just figured that's how the story went! You are a great story teller, you really brought it all to life. I love the physic aspect, I've actually been to a psychic before! I'm impatient and want to know how my future will play out, similar to the leopard. After reading the author's note, I realized how much you changed but it seems like it was for the better! Great job!
I didn't get to read the original story, but I very much enjoyed your storytelling of this week. I thought that you put a lot of thought and detail into your writing, and it was very much appreciated. The story was very pleasing to read. I thought it was very interesting that the leopard was looking for a physic. I've personally never been to a physic, but have always been curious to go.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I did not read The Raibar and the Leopard, I think that I like your story better. I am glad that you left out the part about the raibar beating up the leopard. I liked the fortune teller twist that you added to the story and that you made everyone have a happy ending (I am a sucker for happy endings). Good job!
ReplyDeleteKrista, I think you did a great job with this story. The concept was very unique, but it made for an interesting tale. I did not read the original story, but I think the changes you added went well with the storyline. It flows very well and the plot is really easy to follow. The picture you chose is perfect for your story too, as it really does make the leopard look very majestic.
ReplyDeleteI like the changes you made from the original to this one. From my perspective, it seems that rather than "modernizing" the story, you may have "Westernized" it a little bit more. I guess a fortune teller isn't necessarily a Western thing, but I could relate more to it than a Raibar, so I appreciated that change. I think the structure of your story works well. The one thing I would suggest is maybe adding more of a conflict. Right now, it seems the major issue in the story is that the leopard is unable to find a fortune teller to tell his fortune. While that can serve as a conflict, maybe consider something more substantial later in the story. A few examples might be that things with the princess don't work out perfectly at first, or maybe the leopard forgets about the fortune teller and doesn't bring her the food for a year. Something like this will make the story more interesting because it introduces doubt about what might happen going forward. Other than that, good job!
ReplyDeleteKrista,
ReplyDeleteI think in the beginning of your story the wording is a little confusing. You end up answering the questions; if you reworked the wording it would prevent confusion. In the first few lines, you talk about how the leopard was having trouble finding a psychic. You then say why it was hard for the leopard to find a psychic. If you maybe combined the two thoughts into one group, it would cause less confusion for the reader. I also am confused what the sentence about the leopard wanting to find a beautiful princess to marry. While it may have some point to the story, it seems random and unnecessary at the point where you have it in the story.
I also am confused about how the leopard was able to provide the fortuneteller with food every day for a year if the leopard had to take two weeks to get to the river. Also, you made it seem like the leopard provided the fortuneteller with food for a year and then went on his journey so it would make no sense for him to go back to provide more food for her.
Hey, Krista. I enjoyed your story immensely. While I wouldn't say that you modernized the original tale, I would agree with Cooper in saying that you effectively "Westernized" it, making it a little more easy for your audience to relate to.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was interesting that you used the words "fortune teller" and "psychic" interchangeably, as I normally think of these as two different things. However, seeing as it was either that or use fortune teller far too many times, I can definitely understand your reasoning here.
A couple of small issues I found were as follows: In your description of the leopard, you are missing the hyphen in "fierce-looking." Later in the same sentence, you need a comma between "large" and "muscular." Other than that, there weren't really any technical things I picked up on.
The only additional comment I would have is to add a bit more action/drama/conflict into your plot. While there are elements of suspense in the search for a fortune teller and wife, there really isn't much in this story to further the plot and engage the reader. Regardless, your story was well-organized and your characters well-crafted, so great work!
Krista, I enjoyed reading your story. I thought that you put in great detail describing the leopard. I also like how you put detail into describing the river. Your entire story was very continues within the narrative so it was an easy read. Your story was slow so it gave an almost "peaceful" sense to the reading, which was unique. I liked that everything worked out for the leopard.
ReplyDeleteEven though your story is very similar to the original (or at least that was the sense I got within your author's note) I thought that you provided great background details to make it different. Overall, good job with your story!